Treatise on the Importance of Looking Good

Or, One's Holy Duty to Increase their Manifold Appearances for the Greater Glory of God and Country.

As of late I have found myself imbued with a sudden resurgence of interest in the dying art of fashionable dressing, the likes of which not seen in my own life since I first watched “Men In Black” as an impressionable youth and saw it fit to storm around the house wearing my best black suit while accosting the furniture and local wildlife at water-gunpoint. Whether this was the beginning of the long degenerative cycle that would eventually lead me to take up the darkened mantle of the late Johnny Cash, I cannot say, but that is not why we are here.

We are here to discuss the importance of looking good, dressing well, and maintaining one’s appearance while still leading a godly and humble life. It may seem the most dire of double standards to put exacting care into one’s looks when we are called to humility by God, but this is not so! Pride would certainly be our fell if we affected provincials of the day and age were wearing the finest clothes our means could provide us (and perhaps the odd indulgence outside of our means now and then) exclusively for our own benefit, but this is simply not the case as far as the ideal is concerned. Believe me when I say that there is more to every man than the man, himself; Each person is at once a representative of everything they are and believe in.

On the surface, the act of swearing oaths of fealty seems greatly diminished in modern times, but a quick introspective glance will reveal that we have pledged ourselves many different directions that we are not necessarily always aware of, and when we go out among our fellow men we are emissaries for these ideologies and camps. While among foreigners, we are all that solidifies the American Dream as a tangible thing instead of an idea. While among nonbelievers, we are the walking proof of concept for our religion (or lack thereof). One can attack a country or creed easily while writing on a web log about nothing but an evanescent idea, but such acts of aggression are considerably more difficult to muster when one is staring down a well spoken, well dressed, clearly intelligent, and clearly competent paragon of the virtues his ideology espouses. On the other hand, if all the man on the street sees of a culture or creed are its uneducated detritus whose vocal volume is directly disproportionate to their qualifications to speak, then the survival of the camp is in great peril.

I am loath to admit it, but the idea that one can afford to simply not care about how they are seen by others is a childish fantasy at best, reserved for those who truly wish to be alone in their way of thinking. While I’m sure I can respect this decision, such a person cannot be taken seriously when they claim to desire to change the world for the better. (For those of you who fall into such anarchic groups, I offer my sincerest apologies for having wasted this much of your time and bid you read no further.) A point of view that’s worth idle consideration suggests that it is, in fact, those who go through their lives without a passing care as to how they are seen by others who are much more self-absorbed than those who put a great deal of attention into their appearance and are more traditionally considered vain.

In finality I would bid all of you, my devout readers, to take a moment to make an earnest appraisal of the message you would like to send the world and begin a series of efforts to adjust your appearance accordingly. I, for one, will be doing my best to spread the plague of carpal tunnel syndrome among as many tailors as I can manage.