The Nocturnes of Joseph Black

The Dark Knight Dossier

2008-07-19T01:45:00.000-07:00

The Definitive Guide to the Definitive Summer Phenomenon.

The critically acclaimed sequel to the critically acclaimed new take on the critically acclaimed comic book character hit critically acclaimed theaters yesterday. Mere hours separate us from the numbers we’ll need to confirm the film’s box office superiority and as various awards shows in the coming months cut through the controversy surrounding the chief supporting actor’s demise to render merits in medallion hues, the phenomenon of Christopher Nolan’s “The Dark Knight” will be sweeping the world for a long time yet. In the interest of promoting the film for what it is rather than what it is imagined, rumored, and accused of being, I have taken the liberty of composing this basic dossier of some more obscure questions that, despite their rarity, are still pertinent to any viewer. You don’t have to be a high-brow movie connoisseur to appreciate The Dark Knight Dossier. Let's begin!

Does size matter?
"The Dark Knight" was shot in the IMAX format, a technology that has existed for some time, but has only seen widespread use in recent years. While seen as a gimmick before, the last five years of film-making have demonstrated the exact potential of the medium. The strength of the storytelling in "The Dark Knight" is carried with gripping and striking visuals, and the extreme clarity of IMAX is the difference between an unforgettable experience and an uplifting one. While the immense, city-spanning shots of "Batman Begins" were given a temporary reprieve in this film, the gorgeous attention to detail in every single frame can only be truly appreciated when viewed on a screen that could give a battleship a run for its money in magnitude. The only downside to watching "The Dark Knight" on an IMAX screen is that watching the film (or any other, for that matter) on a pathetic standard screen will just feel depressing by comparison. It's directly comparable to the difference between DVD and VHS, or the difference between CD and cassette.

Does length matter?
Weighing in at two hours and forty minutes, "The Dark Knight" seems excessive. While fans of the series who were drowning in hype for the release of this installment will agree that 'the more the merrier' applies, casual viewers could be easily intimidated by this running length, at first brush. The crux of the question being asked lies not in whether one hundred and sixty minutes is too many, as it's an arbitrary and immutable fact, but rather does the "The Dark Knight" use its time in such a way that feels drawn out or tedious to endure? The answer to this question is a resounding 'No,' but that's not to say the generous helping of running time runs by unnoticed. On the contrary, "The Dark Knight" accomplishes what many films have aspired to, but none have quite accomplished to this degree: It presents its content using precisely as much time as it needs, and (with a number of exceptions you could count on one hand) not a single minute is wasted on scenes that could stand to be cut or lengthened. Every character in a rogues gallery of strong personalities is given the exact amount of screen time and story significance that they deserve, such that even if a character is discarded quickly, it's because they deserved to be, not because they misplaced their usefulness to the plot somewhere along the line.

Is it better than the first?
"Batman Begins" was a masterpiece in its own right, and definitely a hard act to follow, but it was awkward and aloof in several areas that kept it from being a perfect film. For instance, the fight sequences were unforgivably difficult to follow due to slipshod camera work that made choreography and stunts largely irrelevant as you couldn't see what was going on half the time. As a successor, "The Dark Knight" not only demonstrates Nolan's growing prowess as a director, but also marks significant steps toward creating his own distinctive style. The fight sequences are much smoother this time around, and the IMAX format allows enough visual detail to be fit into each frame that the mastery Nolan is acquiring over the art of film-making is finally allowed to come to the surface for all to see. Even more important than the audio/visual experience of the film is the story that binds it all together and gives the action a reason to exist, and I'm pleased to say that this is where "The Dark Knight" makes its boldest stand. The story presents Batman with two extremes that his vigilante campaign could ultimately embrace: Absolute idealism, and commitment to the greater good as personified in Harvey Two-Face, and absolute independence from rules in the pursuit of personal ethics, as personified by the Joker. Putting these two characters in Batman's world, closing the lid, and watching the three forces battle it out is nothing short of brilliant. When Batman emerges triumphant, he does so with a new sense of identity and purpose, demonstrating that "Batman Begins" was a prologue, and "The Dark Knight" is where the real story begins. The legend of "The Dark Knight" is one of those stories you'll find yourself talking about years after the fact, and every time you watch it, you'll discover something new to cherish.

Did Heath Ledger die in vain?
This is a question with many facets that each deserve a fair hearing. The most obvious question is whether his performance as "The Dark Knight's" lead antagonist does justice to his decorated career. I've long held the theory that actors do their best work when they play villains, and "The Dark Knight" is absolutely no exception. The fact is that Heath Ledger has elevated the portrayal of the character to such an outstanding art form that he is utterly impossible to mistake for any of his other roles, and even without the make-up, the actor is unrecognizeable under the layers of the character's behavior, psychology, and motives. The Joker of Heath Ledger is an undeniable success on every level, which just serves to elevate the tragedy of his untimely death to a new height. There's a note of bitter irony to be heard when the Joker says to Batman that he foresees them chasing each other around the city forever. The fact that Ledger will no longer appear in the series reminds me of the words of the primary antagonist of the previous film who said to Batman, his student at the time, "I know the rage that drives you. That impossible anger strangling the grief, until the memory of your loved one is just... poison in your veins. And one day, you catch yourself wishing the person you loved had never existed so you'd be spared your pain." The brilliance of Ledger's performance in "The Dark Knight" may very well turn into unbearable pain with the promise that a repeat performance will never occur. Whether that happens lies on Christopher Nolan's shoulders, and we can only pray that he will tread lightly and act nobly as he pushes on.

Has DC finally won against Marvel?
Months before, toward the beginning of summer, "Iron Man" was a breakaway success that few people were prepared for. It pulled together spectacular special effects and solid storytelling that rested squarely on the shoulders of Robert Downey Jr.'s powerful portrayal of the main character, Tony Stark. Though the success of Marvel's film had run its course well enough by the time "The Dark Knight" was released, a comparison between the two incredibly successful superhero films is inevitable due to the proximity of their release and their content. That withstanding, a comparison is almost totally a waste of time because of how utterly different the movies are. Apart from obvious stylistic impasses, the real discrepancy lies in where the principle characters of each film are situated when the credits roll (or in the case of "Iron Man," a few minutes afterward). While Iron Man was only at the beginning of his career at the end of his movie, ready and rearing to enter the superhero pantheon and start doing some real good on a day-to-day basis, Batman has passed the point of establishing himself by the time "The Dark Knight" begins, and is at the point of refining his sense of identity as a hero as well as honing his crime-fighting campaign and image among the inhabitants of Gotham. Batman (as interpreted by Christopher Nolan) has the advantage of being one film ahead of Iron Man, thus rendering any comparison between the two as unfair and futile. It would instead be more pertinent to compare "The Dark Knight's" predecessor, "Batman Begins," to "Iron Man," and that's a topic for another day. In short, looking at "The Dark Knight" as "Iron Man's" competition and vice versa will do injustice to both films.

What about the children?
Among many other things, "The Dark Knight" has successfully lifted the superhero genre out of the realm of kids' fantasy and placed it squarely into the adult realm. Make no mistake, however: there isn't a single dirty word uttered by any character, nor are there any references to sex. On a superficial level, it is every inch a PG-13 movie not even remotely besmirched by fleeting references to drug use, endless waves of organized crime, and prevailing violence. Rather, the film is so utterly mature that it will make the vast droves of films who are light on psychological, ethical, and intellectual content (and instead monger a more mature rating with sensationalism and deliberate attempts at controversy) blush. "The Dark Knight" shows Hollywood what it truly means to make a mature and adult film, and demonstrates that movies who rely on intense sexual content or gore are really adolescent thrills at best. While children could appreciate the action and thrilling heroics of their beloved superhero (which are in no short supply), the real fulfillment of the movie comes from depth that will fly right over the heads of anyone younger than thirteen. What's more, a child's lack of understanding of the adult concepts at work may actually instill the precisely incorrect message intended by the film's creators. For instance, a child could not grasp the irony behind the Joker's goofy antics, instead seeing them as endearing, funny, and worthy of imitation. Of course the portrayal of the Joker won't turn children into psychopaths any more than violent video games will teach them to kill real people. Instead, the biggest risk is that children who see the film will simply be bored and confused. Ideally, the action will be enough to placate them and convince them to keep watching repeatedly until they're old enough to grasp the depth that makes "The Dark Knight" truly shine.

My 'Lord James' Official Girlfriend Application'

2008-07-03T12:10:00.000-07:00

The long-awaited and inevitable transcript.

Lord James's Official Girlfriend Application, Version 1.0

Full Name: Joseph William Black
Preferred nickname, if any: “Pudding.”
City of residence: San Antonio, Texas and/or Middle Earth.
Age: 250 Months
Height: Anywhere between 6’1” and 6’6” depending on which gas station I’m leaving.
Weight (may round to the lowest ten): Over 90,000 grams.
Hair color/eye color: Obtuse.

Your Living Habits

Note: Under Lord James's non-discrimination policy, no answer will automatically disqualify you from eligibility.

1.) Do you smoke? If so, how often?
Once a month at the local hookah bar, socially and scholarly. Addendum: I tend to Bogart the pipe from others.
Do you drink? If so, how often?
As often as is needed to maintain my recommended body mass of water.
Do you use illegal substances? (yes, that includes Mary-Jane)
Yes, I have over nine thousand .mp3’s; none of which I paid for.

2.) What is your current occupation?
I currently occupy most of my computer chair with my extremely manly body.

3.) What is your living situation?
Mostly sanitary.

4.) Do you drive? If so, what vehicle?
The Joe Mobile.

5.) Highest level of education completed:
The gameplay tutorial for EVE Online.

6.) Do you have any children? If so, how many and how involved are you in their lives? (read: this is where you brag about your parenting skills and hopefully not the lack thereof)
I have no children, but I have swarms of extremely immature ex-girlfriends (if you’re reading this, that list totally doesn’t include you, honest).

7.) Do you have a criminal record? If yes, what's on it, and do you have any cool stories to share? Do you possess an axe?
I prefer to smell like the inside of an old church rather than a pheromone-laden commercial icon.

Your Interests and Hobbies

Lord James is very interested in what you have to say here, so by all means, feel free to splurge on the word count here.

1.) List your top three favorite movies with a brief explanation of why for each:
Spice World, Hackers, and Citizen Kane. An explanation is unnecessary.

2.) What is a favorite movie quote of yours? (Research on iMDB is allowed here)
“Whoah.”

3.) Do you enjoy video games or PC games? If so, list three favorites.
Freecell, those flash advertisements in which you click on flying targets to win a prize, and IRC (Multiplayer Notepad).

4.) Do you enjoy tabletop RPG's (e.g. Dungeons & Dragons, Vampire: The Requiem, GURPS)?
I play them, but I do not enjoy them.

5.) Do you like sports? Which ones?
Mocking those less physically adept than myself (read: grade schoolers).

6.) Are you a writer and/or artist? If so, feel free to attach any of your works which are worthy of viewing.
My answers to this application are a work of art.

7.) What is your favorite food?
Brains.

8.) What is your sense of fashion style?
Brains.

9.) If you could invent or build any one thing, what would it be?
Brains.

10.) List up to three talents or abilities you have which you think may be useful for performing the job you are applying for.
“The Zombie Survival Guide” by Max Brooks.

Your Beliefs

1.) What is your religious and/or spiritual persuasion? Feel free to describe them in one paragraph.
Memorized Rammstein lyrics are an acceptable substitute for a degree in theology.

2.) What is your political persuasion? As above, feel free to describe them in one paragraph.
Everything Stephen Colbert says is true.

Short Essay

1.) Please describe your idea of the perfect date.
A seedy motel with a pair of handcuffs.

2.) Why are you filling out this application? i.e. why are you interested in a relationship with Lord James?
Because it’s way too fun to pass up.

3.) Are you a princess? Why or why not?
My mommy says so.

Relationship History

Boyfriend's name: “Lefty”
Start date: Somewhere during filling out “Your Living Habits.”
End date: Right now.
Reason for breakup: Lost wood.
Circle one: Dumpee

References

Provide three references and their contact information. Attractive female friends recommended!
Lord James Griffin (Personal)
WantonPopery.Blogspot.com

Certification

I hereby certify that the information given in this application is true to the best of my knowledge and that give unto Thine Excellent Majestie (you) the authorization to verify it. I also understand that filling out this application does not guarantee that I will receive the position.

Applicant's Signature: J. Williams Black
Date: July 3rd, 2008 A.D.

Quote Me On That

2008-06-18T01:51:00.000-07:00

A formal reply to wanton accusations regarding my propensity to quote various media that lend themselves well to the act.

O! for a Muse of fire, that would ascend the brightest heaven of invention. Do I not shrink? Do I not dwindle? Praised be God and not our strength for it! I tell thee truly, herald. This is his claim, his threatening and my message.

Will no one rid me of this meddlesome asset from which I derived not the slightest benefit? It saps virility. It must corrupt! Yes, as I recall, you lifted your finger, pointed at me and said, “He's drunk and wenched his way through London. It’s amazing. One day it’ll come grinding to a stop.” He’s against me! The only intelligent man in my kingdom and he’s against me!

The last time I felt it was in the presence of my old master. He’s more machine now than man. If he could be turned, he would become a powerful ally. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy. But the approach will not be easy. There's nothing I can do about it right now. You have only begun to uncover your power. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together. I don't know who you are or where you've come from, but from now on you'll do as I say, okay? (Don’t everyone thank me at once.)

As your leader, I encourage you from time to time, and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced that a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so, but allow me to convince you and I promise you right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo; Except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. I'm done doing what I swore an oath to God 28 years ago to never do again.

Well, nobody’s perfect. That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. We’re gonna’ have to work on our communication. I've been sayin' it. I've been sayin' it for ten damn years. Ain't I been sayin' it, Miguel? Yeah, I've been sayin' it. Why we are on this particular mission, we'll never know. But I do know, here today, that the Black Knights will emerge victorious once again. None of you did anything to prevent this!

After nine years, you know what I realize? Perhaps we are asking the wrong questions. It’s the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did. I’d like to share a revelation that I’ve had during my time here. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life. You believe you are special, that somehow the rules do not apply to you. It's the only way to fly. To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human.

Vouchsafe to Go

2008-05-11T23:34:00.000-07:00

For it is very Meet & Right, so to Go.

It has been assumed that the only distinctly Christian themed motion picture of this Year of Our Lord 2,008 would be the moderately anticipated and overly computer generated second entry in the series of movies adapted from C.S. Lewis’ “Chronicles of Narnia,” a series that has won the old Englishman the posthumous title of ‘traitor’ on the lips and hearts of the atheistic masses who seek validation for their faith in the only place where religion belongs, according to them: Fiction. The failure of the first entry in “His Dark Materials,” the slipshod answer to Narnia’s proselytizing to be either effective as an enjoyable motion picture series or rock the foundations of the perceived (read: nonexistent) Protestant theocracy in our country was not the first blow the anti-Christian movement in Hollywood, however. I come before you on this day of the Pentecost to tell you about a movie that began with a humble story of a family and their love for fast cars and became one of the greatest Christian epics our country has ever witnessed. I am speaking, of course, about "Speed Racer."

The Christian symbolism that permeates the movie begins with the eponymous Racer family. The senior member of the family is Pops Racer, an old-fashioned mechanic and engineer who eagerly shares his trade and his passion for racing with his sons. By his own assertion, his proudest achievement in life was marrying “his best friend,” and having three wonderful children by her. The supportive but slightly misunderstanding role of Pops Racer is a direct allusion to the fervently working and always caring St. Joseph the Carpenter, which turns our focus to Pops Racer’s sons. The oldest son who served to inspire the younger two with not only his daring and unparalleled racing abilities but also his firm grasp of justice is the appropriately named Rex Racer, who the middle brother and chief protagonist of the story, the titularly named Speed Racer, idolizes and looks to for inspiration at every point of his life. Educating his younger brothers in the art of virtuous racing is cut short when Rex Racer is scandalized by sinister and greedy corporations and cast out of his home, denied by his family, and eventually lost in a tragic accident. The signature act of passing from the Racer family’s life is when Rex gives the keys to his racing car to Speed; a perfect allusion to the passing of the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven to Saint Peter. Two years later, as Speed is coming of age and ready to follow in his brother’s footsteps as the new leader of the Racer dynasty and racing worldwide, a mysterious and unrecognizable masked man appears on the racing circuit known only for the symbol of the cross emblazoned on his mask: Racer X. The Christ figure in Rex Racer has been transfigured to appear before his most fervent followers. Just as Christ commanded His disciples to take up His cross and follow Him, Rex’s car, the iconic Mach 5 has become the symbol of his successor, Speed who took it to victory over the satanic corporations.

That brings us to the most important metaphor in the film, which is that of racing as a direct allusion to religion. Let's examine this in greater depth: During Rex Racer’s earthly years, racing is nothing short of a mockery of its purer and idealized form. Corruption permeates into every facet, with corporations from every major nation of the world turning the art of fixing races into one of the most lucrative businesses known to man. Rex Racer’s open defiance represents Christ turning money changers out of temples and challenging the authority of the Pharisees. Though his crusade against corruption leads to his seeming death, Racer X arrives on the scene to guide his disciple, Speed Racer, to spearhead a redoubled effort to redeem racing. Victory after victory in each showdown with the corporations eventually begins the true revolution: the rise of the Christian Church. The film ends with Racer X, revealed finally to be one and the same as Rex Racer, watching the victory procession from his box, content that his mission is finally complete.

Further Christian cameos include:

The youngest brother in the Racer family, Spritle, whose youthful insight, spirit, and closeness with Mama Racer makes him a shoe-in for the role of the St. John, the most beloved Apostle of Christ. While Speed finds himself tempted to submit to the will of the corporations, Spritle never even considers that they could be anything other than evil, thus allowing him to remain pure of even momentary failing: Compare how Peter and John responded to temptation in the final hours of the Passion, and the link reveals itself. His suspicion of the true intentions of Racer X, however, lends him aspects of St. Thomas, the "Doubter."
Taejo Togokahn, a Japanese racer who deceives Racer X and Speed Racer into assisting him in furthering his own avaricious goals under the pretense of busting the corporate corruption, represents Judas Iscariot. Racer X is privy to Taejo's underhanded dealings and chastises him early on, but that doesn't stop him from carrying out his plot. When Speed Racer achieves victory and ushers in the new age of virtuous racing, Taejo is forced to watch from the sidelines, realizing only then that his victory was a hollow one.
Inspector Detector, an agent of the law who worked closely with Racer X to facilitate his change of identity and ultimately helps him bust the corporations represents Joseph of Arimathea.
Sparky, the chief mechanic of the Racer family who served dutifully by the side of all racing Racers, represents Simon of Cyrene who helped Jesus carry the Cross.

As nothing less than an epic retelling of the Passion of Christ and the Acts of the Apostles in a refreshing new medium, I have only conclusion: Go see, “Speed Racer,” Go!

The Object of Our Desire

2008-03-03T21:45:00.000-08:00

A Preview of the Incisive Judgment to be Levied Against a Sex-Crazed Culture's Values Gone Horribly Wrong.

It has recently come to my attention, through deep introspection, that the dressing of sex icons in the trappings of animals—such as Playboy’s “Bunnies” or the infamous of “Catgirls” of the increasingly perverse Japanese animation—can no longer be considered a mere act of objectification. Objects harbor no illusions about the roles they play throughout their existence; they serve a strict regimen of purposes with no variation thereof save to serve another purpose, and they continue to be used until such time as they have exceeded their span of usefulness. A pet, however, is an entirely different story. While often used in the same fashion as objects (though to different ends), domesticated animals are expected to serve dutifully and consistently, but also to derive unparalleled joy and fulfillment from the act of service. Hence, the people we dress with aspects of animals are meant to be used, and to enjoy it. Has our sex-starved and sex-obsessed global culture become such a void of romantic gratification that we would prefer to imagine our partners as anonymously interchangeable, unconditionally deluded, and unavoidably servile as mere animals?

Treatise on the Importance of Looking Good

2006-12-19T16:05:00.000-08:00

Or, One's Holy Duty to Increase their Manifold Appearances for the Greater Glory of God and Country.

As of late I have found myself imbued with a sudden resurgence of interest in the dying art of fashionable dressing, the likes of which not seen in my own life since I first watched “Men In Black” as an impressionable youth and saw it fit to storm around the house wearing my best black suit while accosting the furniture and local wildlife at water-gunpoint. Whether this was the beginning of the long degenerative cycle that would eventually lead me to take up the darkened mantle of the late Johnny Cash, I cannot say, but that is not why we are here.

We are here to discuss the importance of looking good, dressing well, and maintaining one’s appearance while still leading a godly and humble life. It may seem the most dire of double standards to put exacting care into one’s looks when we are called to humility by God, but this is not so! Pride would certainly be our fell if we affected provincials of the day and age were wearing the finest clothes our means could provide us (and perhaps the odd indulgence outside of our means now and then) exclusively for our own benefit, but this is simply not the case as far as the ideal is concerned. Believe me when I say that there is more to every man than the man, himself; Each person is at once a representative of everything they are and believe in.

On the surface, the act of swearing oaths of fealty seems greatly diminished in modern times, but a quick introspective glance will reveal that we have pledged ourselves many different directions that we are not necessarily always aware of, and when we go out among our fellow men we are emissaries for these ideologies and camps. While among foreigners, we are all that solidifies the American Dream as a tangible thing instead of an idea. While among nonbelievers, we are the walking proof of concept for our religion (or lack thereof). One can attack a country or creed easily while writing on a web log about nothing but an evanescent idea, but such acts of aggression are considerably more difficult to muster when one is staring down a well spoken, well dressed, clearly intelligent, and clearly competent paragon of the virtues his ideology espouses. On the other hand, if all the man on the street sees of a culture or creed are its uneducated detritus whose vocal volume is directly disproportionate to their qualifications to speak, then the survival of the camp is in great peril.

I am loath to admit it, but the idea that one can afford to simply not care about how they are seen by others is a childish fantasy at best, reserved for those who truly wish to be alone in their way of thinking. While I’m sure I can respect this decision, such a person cannot be taken seriously when they claim to desire to change the world for the better. (For those of you who fall into such anarchic groups, I offer my sincerest apologies for having wasted this much of your time and bid you read no further.) A point of view that’s worth idle consideration suggests that it is, in fact, those who go through their lives without a passing care as to how they are seen by others who are much more self-absorbed than those who put a great deal of attention into their appearance and are more traditionally considered vain.

In finality I would bid all of you, my devout readers, to take a moment to make an earnest appraisal of the message you would like to send the world and begin a series of efforts to adjust your appearance accordingly. I, for one, will be doing my best to spread the plague of carpal tunnel syndrome among as many tailors as I can manage.

Meditations Upon a Pocketwatch

2006-12-13T04:22:00.000-08:00

The Exposure of Introspective Truths of One's Existence through the Charting of Microcosmic Coincidence in the Otherwise Uninvolved.

This watch I carry keeps pretty good time. It's good-looking, showy, and certainly looks a lot more useful and valuable than it really is, but it keeps good time. Wind it up and it happily ticks away the time for a day or two until its charge is expired and it goes on to do whatever watches do when they sleep. As it falls into ennui, it counts every second with precision and exacting care, making sure not to miss one. It isn't the best watch out there- it's long since been replaced by ones that hold longer charges and count time with even better precision. In fact, the only reason it's been reproduced in this age is for looks, style, fashion and elegance associated with antiquity by default. It isn't old, though. All the parts and pieces in it were produced around the same time all the other parts of all the new watches were. Put together in the same sort of factory, and sold at the same store.

It's a silly old thing, really. One of these days there won't be any place for watches like it. People will need something that just says the time simply and concisely without looking like anything at all. I guess there won't be any place for me, either.